Gratitude, Self Discovery

The Secret: Gratitude

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How do I begin to attract good things? Start with gratitude. Your eyes will begin to see all the things that you’ve been missing.

Application: While in Korea serving my church and God I was responsible for a small group of others who were also serving. At one time one of the Korean sisters in our group came to me crying. Her emotions were strong. Her feelings and countenance were dark. I felt resistance from her. I couldn’t see how I was going to help, especially since her stated cause of sadness and anger was things happening in her family. How was I, an American poor at the Korean language, going to affect this sister’s life for the better?

With a prayer in my heart for guidance I listened to her mountain of discords. When I spoke to her I found myself saying something that may in similar circumstances be laughed off. I asked her to essentially “Count Your Many Blessings”. With tears still in her eyes and now looking up at me with trust, she said that she was thankful for her beliefs. She spoke of her family and of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I allowed her to continue to think on these things and before long her tears of sadness had become tears of happiness for all that she had.

I didn’t have to change things in her life to improve her attitude and emotional state. All that needed to be done was for her to recognize that though discord DID exist in her life, her state of happiness didn’t have to hinge on that. While focusing on the things that she perceived to be stealing happiness from her, it was as if she was blind to the possibility of positive emotions. She couldn’t see them sitting right next to her. Once she acknowledged those possibilities her emotions soared to great heights.

Change, Faith

The Fast

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Have you ever just felt that something was about to change in your life and then done everything in your power to help it along? There’s been a couple moments in my life like that and I feel like I’m at another one of those crossroads. I’ve asked some of you to join with me in a fast from 6 PM today to 6 PM tomorrow. Those who cannot fast from food will be fasting from some other thing they deem to be a worthy sacrifice. The idea is to all be sacrificing something that we normally are attached too for a time and channel the energy, prayers and thoughts to propel me forward, past some things that I’ve held onto for much too long, without which I feel I can fly!

I had a thought last night about this all as I was texting people back and forth about joining me in this cause. My thought was that I was taking quite a bit. I’m asking you all to sacrifice for me and for my benefit. I felt selfish for a moment and then realized that I would gladly do the same for any one of you if asked. I also feel that without a step like this I am not fully able to be there for you when you need it.

I am fasting to leave behind emotions of shame and unbelief and replace them with feelings of confidence in my Savior and of faith that all things are possible through him. I know that there are some of you that I asked to join in that feel like you have nothing to offer by way of faith at this point in your life, a couple of you have even expressed anger towards God for things that have happened to you. I am grateful that you have given me support, even while refusing to support your Creator. Though I would rather it were the other way around, I am honored by your love.

I’m coming to new understandings about life and how I am in control of my happiness, no none else. My Mom used to say, “Worry about yourself.” I am learning that her words were not a dictum to be selfish, but rather that because I am the only one that controls how I feel, think, and believe about the world, I needn’t complain that circumstances, people or anything else are at fault for my unhappiness.

I now strive daily to shed the erroneous idea that I am powerless. For truly, the divine in me is all-powerful. I am responsible for ALL circumstances I find myself in. I am responsible for ALL things I say and do. I can blame no one for my character for I am responsible for that too. And when I, in moments of pain look up to heaven and wonder, “Why me?! Why have you left me alone?” I must remember that it is not God who has abandoned me…it is I who have abandoned him.

I now realize that He has given me a blessing in EVERY one of my struggles and though I slip on my journey through them and even at times cower before them I know that He doesn’t hate me, seek my destruction or even laugh when I fall. No, no, no! I know now that those feelings of disgust, hatred, bitterness and fear come not from him, but from a world that promises my deliverance, only to lead me into a snake hole.

There have been times where I have knelt without seeing a way out of negative emotions only to feel the heavy darkness of those feelings lifted…AMAZING…just moments before I was cursing the very hand that delivered me from bondage. Curious how resistant we are to seek that source of peace when it is but a heartbeat away.

THAT is the God that I believe in. He who changes my heart and it’s dead-end desires to live foolishly. I used to think faith was this strong feeling of belief that I needed in order to do what was right. Therefore, I would often not do what was right because I didn’t feel like doing it. I didn’t feel desire to do it. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite or even have people see that I was insincere in my actions.

Turns out that desire is only part of the puzzle. Sure, my faith begins there, but it doesn’t end there… I’m learning from a challenge that was issued me from a good friend that even when my desire to do good isn’t there, I can have the Lord change those desires to what I want them to be. He can change my very character. Such an amazing concept!

Now, instead of spiraling downward in a free fall of stupidity, bitterness, and self-hatred and striving to squelch a conscience that exists to lift me up when I fall, I am reaching for the light. The light that comforts me when I fall, that lifts me when I am down, that gives me a bright vision and hope for the future even in the midst of troubling times. I have no reason to turn away from God. For the only reason that I turned away from him before was because I didn’t understand who he was. I understand that He doesn’t drop me, as people may. He isn’t impatient with me, as I may often be with myself and others. He knows my righteous desires and blesses me with them if I seek after them.

I may run from God, but He’s always running to me. And that’s why He’s always there if we open our hearts and seek Him.

I don’t expect you to read this and think, “WOW, that Ryan’s amazing!” And I would pray that you don’t think, “Listen to this junk about faith…he doesn’t know what I’ve been through…God may love him, but not me. It’s all a bunch of *$%@!”

If you get this far, know that I consider you my dear friend. Know that I pray for you often. Know that hard times come upon all of us. Know that you have a God, a Creator, a Father that walks with you daily. Know that your perception that he’s not there is wrong…and that’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person…Because he’s patiently waiting for you to tell him of your struggles, your frustrations…even if it’s with him. He’s there to let you know that you’re not alone. He’s there to show you a better way, for He IS the Way. He is the Truth. He is the Light in your dark times…but he does not force you to find Him. (Alma 29:4-5)

Dearest friend, I love you so much. I need your help, prayers and faith. I thank you in advance for them and hope that you would ask me for similar expressions of faith towards you…because I am willing and ready to give them. As you know actions speak louder than words. So, if you need my help too, remind me of my desire to do good for you…just in case I forget :o).

Sincerely,

Ryan

Self Discovery

Turns out I’m gifted!

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Ryan called the doctor and the doctor said…

“Ryan, you rate very high on the ADHD scale in your testing.”

Sweet Doc! Are you telling me that we can now explain why I’m so brilliant?!

“Yes, Ryan. That’s EXACTLY what I’m saying.”

But in all seriousness. Here’s the skinny…

Before my appointment on April 9th I did a battery of 13 tests. When I went in that first morning I spent another 2 hours with the psychologist taking some more tests and giving him my history.

This type of assessment is fairly exciting to me. Research allows us to identify where we stand given a baseline of common functioning. It’s not necessarily good or bad if we find ourselves deviating from the norm, but if functioning is impaired or if the deviation causes excess stress or difficulty in life then there’s a great opportunity to further examine the causes and cures for the dis-ease. Indeed, this approach can strongly aid a therapist’s intuition when making a diagnosis.

That Saturday I returned for some more indepth neuropsych testing. The WAIS and the MMPI are two of the tests that I took (or am taking…the MMPI is about 550 questions long, and as we’ll see, the diagnosis I came upon does NOT lend well to focusing :o) ).

April 17th I returned with my dear friend Emily Lyon to discuss the possibility of my having ADHD.

To be continued…

Dreams

Vision

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There comes a day in the life of entrepreneurs when they see the world in a different light. When they see things not as they’ve been taught to see them, but with their own intelligence. Opportunities abound everywhere. They understand that they don’t have to play by the rules that were painted by parents, by schools, by friends and the world at large. They see life as it really is, FULL of opportunities!

This “day of awakening” often comes over time as the entrepreneur challenges assumptions, tries things in a little bit different way, and steps outside the lines painted by others. But no matter how quick this new vision settles on a man or woman it changes them forever and the world is alive forever more.

Without vision, says the bible, the people perish. Without vision businesses fail, couples divorce, and individuals and communities find themselves wandering, seeking for something more. When vision enters into the soul of the common man there grows from it an ability to act, a desire and motivation to produce, and a love for their fellow beings.

Now some might challenge that last point about the fruits of vision, but I believe that a true vision is revelation from a loving Father in Heaven who becomes, if we let Him, a partner in our lives. That being the case, any vision obtained from the Maker of our souls must include the love he has for his children, our brothers and sisters.

I seek that type of vision and I seek it believing that I shall receive. I thank my Father for his constant support and seek to humble my heart so that I can clearly see his direction for me and those I will be responsible for.

State of the Art

A Christmas Letter 2006

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Dear Friends & Family,

I find myself this Christmas season wanting very much to touch bases with everyone. Approaching this new year I have been thinking a lot about what life is really all about. It’s so easy to get caught up in work, school :o), or anything else and forget what the true meaning is: people…our family & friends, our brothers & sisters. If this is God’s work and glory, then it too must be ours. So, in this chill season I pray for you all the warmth of the Spirit of God as well as the humility to seek his still small voice.

For those whom I have lost touch with a bit I wish to recap what’s been going on in my life this past year and I sincerely hope it sparks incentive for you to let me know what’s going on in your life as well.

2006 started off on a good foot for me. Like many of you, I took LDS Church President Gordon B. Hinckley’s challenge to read the Book of Mormon front to back by the end of the year 2005. That experience renewed my faith in Jesus Christ and I committed in the new year to read every day. That lasted for quite a while. I have had to recommit myself again and again. This has also been a great experience for me. Each time I recommit I realize that God is always there just waiting for us to talk with him and to seek him out. He truly has many things he’d like to teach us and bless us with if we simply make him our partner in this life.

Many of you knew that I had been working for an internet marketing called 10x Marketing. Last year I took a little break to do my own business. In the process I learned quite a bit. Among the lessons I learned was that I can’t do everything myself. Again, the value of people became clear to me.

Well, I returned to 10x in December 2005 to supplement my meager business income. When I came back I was hired as the manager of the search engine optimization fulfillment team, the very job that I did before I left. It was quite a different experience to manage, that’s for sure. By December 2006 I was in responsible for 10 members of our team. I finally learned nearing October that my job had changed and that delegation was a very real part of how I was to succeed as a manager. The year went well at 10x. I’ve made some lifelong friends, including one special one that I’d like to tell you about now :o).

During mid year at 10x we began to see that we needed more people to fulfill the contracts of the growing number of clients that were coming on, including several big ones like ADP & Overstock Auctions. Marci, my fellow employee, knowing this to be the case mentioned to her friend Emily Lyon from American Fork Utah that she should send in a resume. Emily did so and I reviewed it. Emily came in for an interview and the interviewer being impressed with her enthusiasm for learning and apparent good attitude decided to bring her on board. Now, at this point I really had no intentions other than filling a needed position. Some will argue that the position I was seeking to fill was that of girlfriend. Not so, but it quickly became obvious that there was a good match there.

July was when our family had a time share up in Park City. I was planning on having a bunch of friends up there to play around. By that time I enjoyed playing soccer at lunch with Emily and over IM in separate rooms I invited Emily to go to Park City with me. I gave her two options, to go up on Tuesday the 25th with just the two of us or with everyone else later that week. She opted for both :o). Our first date was to see the family. I guess that takes all the anxiety buildup out of things, yeah? The rest is history. We’re still dating and are madly in love with each other.

Emily is so fun to be with. She and I were preparing for a marathon together (at her suggestion) before school became more important to finish up. She just graduated from BYU in Exercise Science and I’ll finish up at UVSC in Behavioral Science/Psychology soon as well. We enjoy so many of the same things. We hiked Mt. Timpanogos together here in Utah Valley, have enjoyed reading several books together, and love conversation. My favorite thing about Emily is her amazing attitude about life, people and the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Aside from that, here are a couple other fun things that are going on:

My sister Mindy and her husband John just had their first baby on November 17th, John Benjamin Lindquist. Mindy really took care of her diabetes well while pregnant with Ben. There can be many problems when diabetics have babies. Ben is healthy and a joy to our lives.

My other sister Melissa is doing some fun things in addition to raising her two beautiful kids Zach and Alissa. She has been into photography for a while now, but is getting better and better all the time. Her biz, Melissa Davis Photography, is small, but really blessing her life. Melissa also recently began a neat project that I’m very proud of. It’s called Project SAHM (Stay at Home Mom). She is taking donations and when they reach $100 she goes shopping, but not like normal. She takes that money and gives it to a random SAHM in the store so that she can buy herself an outfit. It’s Melissa’s way of saying thanks for all the work that SAHMs do. I think ‘tis beautiful. Alan, Melissa’s husband is a great support to her. I’m thankful that he takes care of my sister.

Lastly, I have a fun story of adventure. The date was December 14th, 2006. I was at the UVSC writing lab with a friend setting down plans for a new business when I received a phone call from Darryl, my boss at 10x. Today wasn’t my day to come in so I wondered why he would be calling. Darryl proceeded to tell me of the layoffs that had just happened that morning at 10x. A while back 10x was purchased by a company called Vista/Innuity. Innuity had not liked the way things were going at 10x and came in and told everyone that they were taking operations up to Redmond WA and were getting rid of about 19 of our near 28 employees, leaving about 10 to fulfill the near 30 contracts that required daily attention. Included in those layoffs were my boss Darryl, me and Emily.

I’m now pushing forward with the plans I was making to form a new business. There is urgency, there is excitement and there is definitely opportunity. We’ve got some fun things on the table and some of you may very well be involved in those things, if not now then perhaps down the road sometime. I’ve been getting very excited about business and I’ve learned much from my yard game business and plan on learning much more!

Well, friends I’m excited to begin another year and I’m very grateful to you all. Each one of you has become a part of me and I could not be where I am today if it were not for every one of you. I’ve learned from you. I’ve laughed with you. I’ve cried with you. I’ve grown so much from your examples to me. Thank you for all you’ve given to me. Thank you for encouraging me and strengthening me in so many ways. I acknowledge the Lord’s hand in all of our relationships and know that any trials we go through are to strengthen us to become men and women of faith.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Love Ryan

thoughts & musings of a would be king